Friday, 11 March 2011

I regret to report a massive security leak brought about by the appalling treachery of the wife of one of our esteemed Deputies. Although one can find little by way of mitigating circumstances it is possible that this dastardly act was perpetrated in response to the now infamous incident with Carol from Sawston. It is best left to Deputy Dennis to relay it to you in his own words.

Following on from the WikiLeaks news regarding the new EuroPram it has been brought to my attention that my wife Anne has made available one of the first pictures of the new top secret project that is currently undergoing tests and will hopefully soon be commissioned in our fight to protect our village from outside marauders.

The The secret testing has been taking place in and around Melbourn, however, the EuroPram has been undergoing these trials cunningly disguised as an Austin Mini so as not to attract to much attention. I did in fact test it once up the High Street in its un-disguised state but unfortunately it broke down outside the Co-Op. This attracted the attention of two elderly lady passers by, who immediately grabbed me by the cheeks and said "Whose a lovely big boy then" this took me completely by surprise as I was actually bending over with my head underneath the EuroPram at the time.

Testing is going to plan , you will notice the red, white and blue livery in true patriotic style, this in combination with just a hint of spray on rust and flaky paint gives just the right amount of an aged patina which will help to camouflage and hide the fact that this is a new piece of kit straight out of "the box". You will also notice that the canopy is adjustable in height so that the pilot may in fact stand up to operate the controls without getting wet if it is raining.

Nothing will be able to hide the EuroPram's deadly payload once it is delivered. Concealed within the depths of this fighting machine are two 40mm tunip firing cannons, smokescreen equipment, rear facing oil spraying guns to thwart any attempt by Bassingbourn Ron and his Posse if they attempt to give chase on their bicycles also two cup holders and a place to put your sandwiches!

Testing is on going but soon the fully commissioned EuroPram will be taking its place alongside the village Armoured  Personnel Carrying Lawnmower and Mobile HQ Vehicle to "Serve and protect" our people and keep us all safe in our beds at night.

Deputy Dennis