Deputy Dennis


An exceptionally large baby Deputy Dennis was nearly sixteen feet long at birth. As a pram of sufficient length could not be found his father set to work joining two prams together. Unfortunately he joined them side by side rather than end to end so the young Dennis had to curl up to fit in, hence his lifelong nickname “Cumberland”, after the sausage.

The amount of time spent in this position meant that on his first day of school the young “Cumberland” was unable to stand up straight and was used extensively by fellow pupils in hoop games. The school was at the summit of a steep hill and one day the still circular “Cumberland” was thrust out of the school gate during a particularly vigorous hoop game.

Initially he was followed out of the gate by a group of chasing children but as he gathered speed they quickly tired of the chase and returned to the school leaving the unfortunate “Cumberland” to his fate. He sped through the street market upsetting a vegetable stall and frightening pensioners. But eventually he was confronted with an immoveable obstacle, the town hall. He bounced up the steps and into the council chamber where a meeting to elect a new council leader was in progress. Sweeping all aside with one final bounce he ended in the leaders chair to the applause of the assembled councillors who duly elected him.

The abrupt deceleration unwound the previously circular boy who had become the youngest politician in the land but whose subsequent meteoric rise through the political ranks was blighted by the infamous incident with Carol from Sawston.

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